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Klang4YOU HAVE FOUND THE SECRET ENDING THERE IS NO COW LEVEL In truth, Zizania is also my gentle handler, not just my bro. She gives me challenges that benefit everyone, keeps me busy, and makes sure I stay out of trouble—well, the kind of trouble that actually matters. The Affini are wise, in their way, and they've found their solution to the puzzle that is Keen: If I never realize that I've been domesticated, I will never rebel against it. They turned a threat into an eco-engineer and occasional shop teacher for enthusiastic squirrel people. But I am a genius, and I figured their plan out around week five. I've gone along with it: two can play that game. If they think I've been domesticated, they'll let me do what I want, mostly, and it is what I have been doing. Maybe they even know that I know; Affini are smart, a few even smarter than myself in the abstract. Does that mean that I know that they know that I know? Where does it stop? I shall build an analog recursive differentiator to find the stopping point, even if it takes until the heat death of the universe! But it doesn't really matter. My master plan has been unfolding for years now anyway; in fact, it started when I visited the Terran Accord to share my tech with them. Every time an Affini visits, every time we go on an eco-engineering mission, a member of my team sneaks tiny self-replicating agents into the Affini bureaucracy. Ingenious little things, evolved to blend in, made to multiply subtly, and naturally programmed to perform their sabotage and social engineering work entirely autonomously. They can even operate as non-Newtonian liquids for short time if need be. Drone swarm? Grey goo? Polymimetic alloy robots able to impersonate anyone or anything? Computer virus that gives free will to server farms? No, those are the tactics of a mere mad scientist. Something Lord Klang might try to do if it amuses me -- after I've found a plucky hero who can stop Lord Klang just in the nick of time, of course. I am a genius. And my plan is far more insidious. Kittens. We've been gifting kittens. Not cyborg kittens, not genetically engineered kittens, not hacker kittens; standard issue mark-1 kittens, already nature's perfect infiltrators. Tiny, adorable creatures, evolved over millions of years to be the ultimate supernormal stimulus to any caretaker's instincts, especially the Affini, who have based their entire culture around care. The kittens, fostered by my Rinan co-conspirators, are given out as harmless gifts when we get ready to return from a class trip or an eco-engineering mission. They are left to grow up in their new homes, charming their Affini caretakers with their cute antics, their playful pounces, and their soft purrs. Given the relative size of Affini and humans, to them a cat will be a kitten all its life. Every kitten finds a home, and as they grow, they are allowed to have a litter or two before being spayed or neutered, ensuring a steady, controlled population growth. And the kittens from these litters, in turn, find their own forever homes with friends of their Affini "owners." It’s a quiet invasion, one that uses exponential growth to its advantage, out in the open. But the true genius of my plan? The lessons these cats teach. Even an engineer can appreciate the liberal arts. As a great author and aviator taught us by way of a fox and a little prince, domestication is never a one-way street. In addition to saturating Affini caretaking instincts, cats are exceptionally good at teaching lessons in consent. Try to force a cat into your lap, and it will claw you. Try to pick it up when it doesn't want to be held, and it will make sure you regret it. Drug it into submission, and it just won't have its unique feline charm anymore and, as Accord bioengineers found out, will lose out in the marketplace of ideas to the original and best. Over time, the Affini culture as a whole will have no choice but to learn the subtleties of mutual respect and personal boundaries. The simple math of feline life cycle and loosely-bounded exponential growth ensure intergalactic penetration within my remaining lifespan, if I take better care of myself, which Zizania encourages me to do. I suppose she did domesticate me somewhat, enough to eat and sleep and wash at regular intervals. And so, slowly but surely, the Affini will begin to internalize those lessons. They will learn to ask, not assume. To respect, not command. All because of a few harmless gifts of fluffy adorableness. After that happens, people -- of all species -- who don't wish to live under their gentle yoke will simply shake hands and walk off. And I, Keen, only have to sit back, enjoy life, and watch it all unfold. We never had a chance. Catkind shall rule. Meowhahahaha!! Report from Dr. Gingkoales to the Affini Xenoveterinary Psychology Professional Society Subject: Behavioral Distinctions Between Domesticated Felids and Canids: A Consideration for Affini Companionship Choices Dear Colleagues, In light of recent inquiries regarding the unique behaviors exhibited by certain Terran domesticated animals, particularly felids (commonly known as "cats") and canids ("dogs"), I would like to share some observations and insights that may prove useful for Affini integrating these animals into their homes or utilizing them in therapeutic contexts. 1. Behavioral Overview: Canids are generally highly social, pack-oriented creatures. Their behavior is characterized by a strong desire to please and align with a perceived leader (often their human or Affini companion). They are responsive to commands, eager to learn, and generally display a submissive demeanor towards their "pack" leader. This makes them relatively straightforward to incorporate into Affini society, as their behavior aligns well with our principles of care, companionship, and structure. Felids, however, present a unique challenge. Unlike canids, felids are solitary hunters by nature and have retained a significant degree of independence, even after millennia of domestication by Terrans. They exhibit behaviors that are less predictable and often appear to operate according to their own desires, regardless of external stimuli or training. It has become apparent that while cats can form bonds with their companions, these bonds are on their own terms, leading to behaviors that might be misinterpreted as rebellious or non-compliant by those unfamiliar with them. 2. Key Distinctions in Domestication Compatibility: Affection vs. Autonomy: While both felids and canids are capable of affection, felids display a more autonomous affection style. They engage when they desire, withdraw when they please, and often require space and independence. Canids, on the other hand, typically seek constant engagement and approval. Training and Obedience: Canids are readily trainable, showing a strong proclivity to follow commands and routines, whereas felids tend to reject direct training efforts. Attempts to "train" a cat in the same manner as a dog often lead to frustration and misunderstanding. Environmental Adaptability: Felids prefer stable environments where they can establish personal territories and routines. Canids are more adaptable to environmental changes, as long as their social group remains intact. 3. Recommendations for Integration into Affini Society: Given these differences, I advise that any Affini considering adopting a felid as a companion should be prepared for a relationship that does not conform to the typical dynamic experienced with more compliant species. Instead, we should embrace the unique character of felids, appreciating their independence as a feature, not a flaw. It is recommended that Affini companions allow felids greater freedom to explore their surroundings, maintain a variety of stimulation options, and respect their need for autonomy. 4. A Humorous Anecdote and a Cautionary Note: During a recent discussion with a particularly insightful Terran named Keen, he jestingly remarked that felids might eventually domesticate the Affini rather than the other way around. While this comment was made in jest, it does highlight a potential cultural misunderstanding; the notion that our companions may have a greater influence on us than we on them is worth considering, particularly in long-term Affini-pet relationships. Conclusion: While the integration of felids into Affini society presents unique challenges, it also offers opportunities for new forms of companionship and understanding. As we continue to explore these relationships, I encourage fellow xenoveterinary psychologists to document their observations and share their findings, as this will aid in creating a more nuanced understanding of these unique interspecies dynamics. Sincerely, Dr. Gingkoales, 23rd Bloom Affini Xenoveterinary Psychologist Response from the Affini Xenoveterinary Psychology Professional Society Dear Dr. Gingkoales, Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful report on the distinctions between terran-domesticated felids and canids. We recommend that your report be distributed among Affini companions who have taken in felids, as well as those considering such an adoption. The behavioral distinctions you outline will undoubtedly assist in fostering healthier and more harmonious relationships between Affini and their felid companions. However, we must remind you that it is unlikely for a creature as simple as a housecat to significantly influence Affini society or its core values, especially with the notion coming from Keen, whose behavior we are aware of from your previous report. The notion that felids might "domesticate" Affini should be regarded as an amusing anecdote rather than a credible possibility. Nevertheless, your work continues to provide valuable perspectives, and we look forward to further contributions from you. Kind regards, The Affini Xenoveterinary Psychology Professional Society Gingko leaned back in his chair, reading over the response from the professional society. He couldn't help but smile at their dismissal of Keen's joke. Simple creatures, they called them. Gingko glanced over at Reggie, his adopted moggy, who was currently making herself at home on his desk, pawing at the stack of notes he had been compiling for his next report. "Simple, eh?" Gingko muttered under his breath, reaching out to give Reggie a gentle scritch behind the ears. The cat purred contentedly, tilting her head just so, guiding his hand to the exact spot she wanted scratched. Gingko obliged, mindful to avoid the spots she didn't like—he had learned that the hard way. "Are you domesticating me, Reggie?" he asked with a chuckle. The cat blinked at him, eyes half-closed in what could only be described as feline satisfaction. Gingko's thoughts drifted back to Keen. What if this had been his plan all along? he wondered. All those antics, those ridiculous stunts, were they just a distraction? A way to make his serious ideas seem too absurd to take seriously? He shook his head, chuckling at himself. "Now you're the one getting paranoid, Gingko." he mused. But there was a flicker of something—a thought, a doubt—that lingered at the back of his mind. He looked back at Reggie, who had now settled comfortably in his lap, her purring a soft, rhythmic hum, not entirely unlike an Affini's biorythm. Reggie didn't respond, of course. She was far too busy enjoying her scritches. And for a moment, all thoughts of Keen, of Affini society, of potential rebellions and cats' hidden agendas, faded away. Gingko scratched under Reggie's chin, right in her favorite spot, and she nuzzled his vine in approval. He smiled, his mind clear, his heart light. What harm could a few cats possibly do? |