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SkippysList

THINGS XCOM PERSONNEL ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO DO

• We appreciate the beautiful surroundings our base is located in, and the fact that since the island is uninhabited there's no need to be cooped underground day in and day out. However, testing new weapons by aggressive fishing is not OK.
  • Especially if the new weapons are explosives.
  • Especially if the new weapons are a direct replication of alien tech. The fish will be inedible by the time quarantine is over, guys!
  • Addendum: I guess grapple guns are OK, as long as there are spares.
• Alien artifacts are to be considered extremely valuable for research after we're done shooting at them, and may not be kept at trophies. Maybe later.
  • The yarnall bodies used as urinals are a sanctioned exception; if you want another to be made, ask politely. We don't know what Vahlen does with the tentacles, want to be the first to ask?
  • Keyword is AFTER we're done shooting. During deployment, shoot all you want. We're not even going to pretend we care about property damage.
• No encouraging Dr. Shen to build giant robots. Okay, we're in an island lair in Japan fighting aliens, but... Ah, screw it.
  • Amended to: No encouraging Dr. Shen to build giant robots unless realistic-ish budget proposals are attached, he will get depressed otherwise.
  • Dee, I know we can save a lot of money by not including room for limbs in the pilot compartment. We're NOT doing that, okay? Applicants for MEC conversion are asked to have a long talk with Dee first.
• The Meld resource is still under study, and by the look of it will require extensive programming in order to do anything useful. Please do not try to mix it into drinks in case it gives you superpowers.
  • Feeding it to small animals and then having said small animals attack you in order to gain their strength counts.
  • Especially if they are not native to this region. Now we have vicious ground squirrels around base.
• Further suggestions that Officer Bradford and the Headmaster settle the hierarchy by hand-to-hand combats will be ignored, stop stuffing the suggestion box.
  • We already have a sparring match scheduled, but it will not determine who calls the shots.
  • Betting on the outcome is allowed. Betting on the Headmaster's gender isn't. Betting on Bradford ripping his shirt during the fight definitely isn't.
• Section leads may decide a dress code for their own section, but that is where their authority stops.
  • Mandating schoolgirl uniforms for female operatives is right out.
  • Mandating schoolgirl uniforms for male operatives even more so.
  • Prohibiting schoolgirl cosplay, however, is also not authorized. Cosplay on base is allowed as long as it does not affect readiness.
• Alien cyborg ("dangly") boosters are essential equipment for the air wing, and may not be taped to combat armor.
  • We're working on a jetpack, but the designs are very preliminary at this stage.
  • Adding moar boosters will not make it work better. Nor will adding more tape. Please stop referring to grey duck tape as "struts".
• Sectoid aliens have the confirmed ability to merge consciousnesses. Singing "sitting in a tree, kay ay ess ess..." at them does not disrupt the phenomenon.
  • However, amateur media mocking the invaders is encouraged for internal distribution.
  • Base command understands that Rule 34 applies. Would-be pornographers understand that they apply it to certain crew members at their own risk.
• Base command strongly recommends that there should be no discussion of the (doubtless baseless) rumor that Mrs. Winters and Dr. Vahlen were seen bawling tearfully together while watching "Rebirth of the Overfiend" more than five metres away from medical personnel.